Advice

to relatives to professionals from professionals

Experiences from sexually abused men, who are on the way to a good life

Accept you’ve been a victim of sexual abuse

What happened has happened. There’s no use to repress of try forgetting the bad memories, the bad feelings and the pain will surface. By accepting the fact you’ve been abused, is a start to a better and full life.

Place the fault; it is not your mistake

The adult offender always bears the full responsibility for what he/she did. As children we easily explain bad things that happened as our own mistakes. As an adult we can place the fault where it belongs, with the offender and free ourselves. This is a difficult process, but necessary.

Convince yourself not to feel shame

When you’ve places the fault, it’s easier to get rid of the shame. There’s no reason to feel ashamed, we’ve been ashamed long enough, casting the shame away unfortunately takes time and a lot of effort. Many prevail against it through training, they persuade themselves: I have no reason to be ashamed.

Find someone you can trust and give you good help

Talk with another person or more about what you’ve been subjected to. Very few are going out ahead by continuing to remain silent and bear the pain alone. Find someone you really trust and can help you. A lot of us found help at volunteer help centers, some found help within their families and friends. Establish a good relationship with your family doctor, change if you must, your doctor is important to get the right treatment and to get benefits/pension.

Allow yourself to anger, pain, aggression, frustration and other difficult emotions

You have good reason to have strong and painful feelings. Give yourself permission to have and display them, and then examine the reason which makes you feel like this, so will these emotion grow weaker.

Do something about the problems in your own pace

The one that knows yourself the best is you. You know what is needed when a problem must be solved. We can say with our experience is that it takes time; there’s no reason to be hasty. Some go to an advisor once a week, some work with the issue intensely in a period of time and take long brakes, some benefits from residential care. Take command over your actions.

Keep hope when facing adversity

Bad experiences can’t be erased overnight. When you’ve broken the silence and found a good helper, maybe started a form of treatment, you might face adversity and realize there’s still a long way to go. It is then important to keep hope and keep going forward. Life is going to get better. We know!

Places to seek help

Support centers

The support centers are the low-threshold services that welcome everyone. No professional referral is needed to get in contact with them. In these support centers you can meet supervisors who are familiar with the subject and will give you advice on how to proceed further.

Family doctor

Your family doctor is a good place to start a conversation and be referred to a psychologist, if necessary. It is important that you tell your doctor about what you’re struggling with.

Police

Report assaults to the police. They will decide whether the case should be investigated or if it is obsolete. If you’re a victim to rape, report to the police and they will help you to an abuse center. You can also tip the police by phone if you’re concerned about abuse.

Treatments

DPS offers treatment by psychologists and therapists, depending on your need. You will need a doctors referral to get help from the public assistance.