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Q: My son told me after all these years, he’s 19 now, that he was subjected to sexual abuse from when he was 7 til 12 years old. This Christmas was a nightmare. We’ve reported to the police and gotten a lawyer to help us in this case. But I am so upset. Noone is helping us My son only graduated high school and started at a music school. I took him out of there because we were moving to another city. Just when he’s gone out he’s saying “Mom, I don’t want to live anymore.” “Mom, I can’t sing anymore. My voice doesn’t want to because I’m so fucked up in the head.”

He’s saying when he’s talking about it, it’s like experiencing it all over again. I don’t know wat to do. He’s black under his eyes, he can’t sleep. He’s saying “Mom, I’m not working, I haven’t gotten help from NAV to work. I don’t have anyy education, you took me out of it. I’m sitting here not knowing what is right or wrong.”

We’re going to a some kind of psychologist tomorrow, but he’s so tired of talking and wants to go to school, he’s saying he’ got nothing to do. He’s been without work for 2 years. At his previous job he had a co-worked who had been in jail and told him; ” You know I’ve been to jail and you know wat kind of thoughts I have about boys like you, you’re probably the youngest here”. My son became terrified and we confronted NAV about and the others about this, but there was no help to get and they said my son wasn’t fit for the job. I told NAV that this is an offence, which they agred on, but now he had to be examined for ADHD. It’s good that this is coming out. It should’ve been out a long time ago. I can’t understand how someone can ask with such stupidity? It’s about time those damned paedophiles are brought out into the light, that they’re revealed and convicted for what they have done. They’ve robbed children of their will to live, that’s what I experienced when my son came home and told me his story. I became so furious, how can they fuck little children and in actuality cut them into pieces and make them live with a damaged soul and a torn apart family with all sorts of feelings. I feel like they shuold taste the pain they’ve inflicted the child. If an innocent child get to feel this horrible pain, fear, shame etc. How much I want them to feel it. I hate pedophiles, they’ve ruined the most innocent.

A:  Hi worried mother.

You’ve already done the most important thing, you’ve talked about it, abuse should not be kept in silence, it shuold be spoken out loud!!!!

Know that this is the hardest step, good work.

Your boy needs immediate help.

It’s important to start the process as fast as you can, the longer he carried the burden, the more broken he gets.

What your son/you is not supposed to be, I think, is to talk with “cherethites and pelethites”, this is to protect yourselves.

Life is tough enough as it is, you don’t need people to talk behind your backs.

Have you been at a psychologist or are you going to?

I’ve had personal experiences with NAV, ask for a NAV-los, your son needs it and is entitled to.

My psychologist co-operated with my NAV-los, there were no trouble.

Please do ask, I’ll help as much as I can.

Get in contact with SSMM if you live close to Oslo, click here for information: http://eng.utsattmann.no/help/

I can’t say enough good about SSMM.

That you son wants to kill himself: DO NOT DO IT.

I’ve walked around with a lot ofpainful thoughts (don’t waste your time on that) on taking my own life, then the abuser won.

It’s your life and you’re the one who’s going to live it.

You’re going to get through this boy, with your head held high, you’ve done nothing wrong, it’s not your fault.
Otherwise there are many opinions about pedophiles, there’s no doubt that they’re ruining other lives.

But do not despair, there’s help, and to get started as soon as possible is important.

MAny can prove that to carry such secrets is destructive.

To you as a mother, I am deeply moved by what you’ve done and written, the world needs mothers who cares.

Keep sending us questions and we’ll answer.

Take care.

Regards

Tomm Erik