I was subjected to sexual abuse in Spain when I was 14 years old. I was in a shop selling purses to buy something for my sister. The owner got me into the backroom where I performed oral sex on him. What’s been bothering me is that I went back the day after and did the same thing. I’m 45 years old now, but the memories keep going back to these events and I judge myself, especially because I went back.
Thank you for contacting us. It’s one of the first steps to understanding/confirming that you shouldn’t just judge yourself. I recognize myself in what you’re telling us. I also “approached” my male molester and “started” several events, to “get it over with”. Then I knew I was “safe” rest of the day. To judge yourself is a normal reaction, to an abnormal situation! The psychological force an abuser creates by an assault can make children/youths to come back again, to the “same” situation. For example; going back to the same person (abuser). I recommend you to talk with someone about this. A place you can start looking, reading, is you want is: http://www.fmso.no which is an union against sexual abuse. You’re more than welcome writing to us again.