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Q: I was sexually abused by my mother when I was a boy.

Through all my life, I’ve had problems to find a balance in relation to women.

I want to be in a relationship, but feeling the ambivalence between  girlfriend vs mother.

I don’t wish that my girlfriend to become a substitute for my mother. I have difficulties seperating the two of them from eachother, and I feel the sorrow and chaos.

What shuold I do to put the experiences behind me, to make me more suitable to have a normal relationship with a girl?

And where can I seek help?

A: Hey.

Tomm Erik here.

How to solve something very specific is always the big issue.

But there’s always hope.

Personally I’ve gotten a lot of help at SSMM in Oslo, if you live in the Oslo area I strongly recommend you to contact them. There’s a lot of information about them on this site, their phone number is  22 42 42 02. You’ll be met by 2 awesome guys.

Iv’e been going to SSMM for almost 12 years (a bit to and fro) and is very pleased with their program, it is a low-threwhold offer which doesn’t have along waiting time. Your family doctor is another alternative, he/she should have an overview on how to proceed to the nearest Distrikpsykiatrisksenter also called DPS.

And remember this is not your fault and you’re not alone about it, there’s plenty like us…

PLease do not hesistate to ask us more questions, there ar e no silly/stupid questions.

Regards

Tomm Erik

An oppertunity for help is to seek out a help center in your town, or SSMM (Støttesendet for Seksuelt Misbrukte Menn) in Oslo if you do not wish to contact women in this case. It’s normal to have an ambivalent relationship between the childhood perpetrator and relationships when you’re an adult.

I think to be able to put these experiences behind you, is to accept the fact that something horrible has happened. Unfortunately they’ll never be gone, but you can learn to live with it and have a normal life.

I managed to do this with psychological help. Place the guilts where it belongs and distinguis between abuser and loves ones. It’s a difficult time, but absolutely worth it.

My advice is to contact SSMM, you can find the contact information on our page. They’re very experienced and can work out a plan for you, and further progress. If you don’t have any issues with women helping you, a support center could help, and these are spread across the country. You’ll also find information about them on this site. Another way is to contact your family doctor and get in contact with a psychologist (something that worked well for me).

I hope this is of help.

Regards

Harald