Q: I’ve been experiencing different things with older boys from when I was 7 years old. I’m talking about boys 6-7 years older than me. It started when I as a 7 years old had to watch an older boy masturbate and another time I had to watch with his sister. The topic got pushed away when I talked about it at home. Later it was camping trips with older boys who wanted me to masturbate them and they would masturbate me and have anal intercourse even though I was around 11, and it was exciting! But is this normal or was some of it abuse? I’ve been struggling later in life with extreme jealousy towards female partners and always been sure that others were more attractive to them! I’ve had a lot of anxiety about this. Thoughts I can’t get out of my mind. To me sexual relations with women have been a struggle to surpass any sexual experience with my female partner has had with previous partners. To an extent that I forget myself. What they’ve experiences with previous partners spins around my head all the time?
A: Hi Kai.
It’s good that you sent us mail. I’ll answer you as best as I can. What you’ve experiences is without a doubt sexual abuse. You say you were around 7 years old and the oldest was around 6 years older than you, which is a 13 year old teenager. A 7 year old is a child, while a 13 year old is going through puberty and has started developing their mind and bodies towards adulthood. The fact that there were several older people present in the different situations, has probably amplified your experiences.
What you experienced is not your fault. There is no set answer about what’s normal during puberty. But it happens that some are exploring masturbation together with others is not abnormal. The fact that the topic was pushed aside at home, is probably also a reason why you struggle with that today. I advise you to contact your doctor, who can refer you to a psychologist, therapist or similar. It’s important that you’re able to talk with someone about this. It helped me, talking with professionals over time. You can go to www.fmso.no which is a shortening for “Forening Mot Seksuelle Overgrep” in Norway. There you can check if there’s a center close to where you live. They can help you further, with advice, conversations etc. You’re welcome to send us more mail if you have more questions.
Good luck. Take care of yourself. You’re not alone…